I think this is one of my new favorite sites.
If I can count the number of sprinkles on my chocolate frosted donut, there are not enough sprinkles on my chocolate frosted donut.
I hate it when you’re really sick and then when you do go to the doctor, you’re feeling much better and feel like a fraud.
Our generation doesn’t knock on doors. We will call or text to let you know we’re outside.
Dear ice cubes, please stop attacking my face. I just want the rest of my drink.
Apples-to-Apples needs a “your mom” card.
Whenever I finish a book I feel like I’ve just lost a friend.
My keyboard needs a removable crumb tray, like my toaster.
Everything’s funnier when you’re supposed to be quiet.
I don’t know about you, but a highlight of my childhood was talking into the fan to hear my robot voice.